Out of that discussion was the question: Which groups do you identify with? The most? I won't say what she said, although it wouldn't be hard if you knew her. I'll let her do her own entry on it if she wants. I said,

I don't feel very connected to "the black community", however I do feel connected to some of the Canadian black experience. And some of the advantages and disadvantages of this.

And later I said,

Gay and lesbians? Less than with black people, but more than with Jews, for example. I can relate to the gays and lesbians in that it is what they do sexually and in relationships that gets them in trouble with the establishment. It wasn't so long ago that this same attitude was shared by the establishment with respect to interracial relationships, or oral sex, anal sex and masturbation. Pretty arbitrary things, and it could really have been any group to be the focus of the establishment's distaste as far as I am concerned.

I have one black friend. I have never dated a black woman. I don't go to "black" activities, except on Tuesday nights, and although there is a very large black presence there, I don't consider it a "black" activity. It isn't why I am there. On the other hand, I do identify with minority groups in a more general way. I have had my share of experiences with inappropriate behaviour. And I know quite a bit about how I am expected to act.

There is a gay man here at work. I might have all kinds of questions for him about his gayness and his views on the current sponsorship scandal. But I won't simply ask him outright. Not really so much because I would offend him, but because of my show of ignorance. It would tell that person that I think that all members of that large, vague and pretty general group probably act the same way, and probably act the way I expect them to. I HATE it when people expect me to act a certain way based on nothing but my ethnicity, so I would expect others to feel the same way. This is a far bigger generalization than ones about blacks or gays; mine reaches across almost all marginalized groups. Who likes to be pigeonholed like that? Not even pigeons like being stuck in a hole.

I do think it is a great exercise to describe the groups to which you feel some amount of kinship. A certain minimum worth mentioning. I mean, I feel some kind of kinship with most humans, but that is usually a trivial thing to say. It's like saying that I feel blind when my eyes are closed.

Scratch that. The more people I meet, and the older I get, the more I realize that we feel very isolated and alone. We have little to do with our immediate neighbours. We feel nothing towards the people we interact with everyday. And you have an even chance of hearing misanthropic comments from the average person, rather than positive or even neutral ones. "I hate people. People suck," is what I hear much of the time.

Maybe we don't connect to people as much anymore because of our tendency here to focus on the individual. Everything, EVERYTHING, is about me me me. Or you you you. Advertising. Education. The only thing that isn't about me me me/you you you is, well, religion. Anytime you do see a message that deals with service to your fellow man, I get the feeling that it is seen as a kooky thing to do, because it is the religious organizations that are promoting it.

But what if Britney and Christina and Janet and the others would promote healthy eating, or sticking up for the little guy, instead of "look like you can get any boy, but act like a virgin" and other sexual bullshit. A recent study confirmed what everyone knows: rock stars with less clothing get noticed more. As though it has nothing to do with how good they are. (I know I only mentioned women in that list; it's because I don't know what the impact of the male rock image has on anyone. Are they tough guys? Are they nice guys? I don't even know who is hot and who is not. I have heard that Justin Timberlake has cool hats.) Perhaps we need to do a better job of not buying into the bullshit, and teaching kids not to, either.

Anyway, asking which groups you feel connected to may be a harder question than I originally thought, especially on the Internet. (On the Internet, people are more extreme in that they are more connected, yet more isolated than in real life. Just an unjustified opinion.) I will have to think on this more.