Kids
As some of you might know, my friend Suj is a doctor. What you don't know is that he wrote his final final exams to become a full-fledged doctor. I was talking about this with procrasto when I was reminds that I need to see a urologist soon. I think that I am going for a vasectomy, but I'll grab as much information as I can before I do.
**Le PK** says:
Wow... that's a big decision...
JonasParker says:
It is, but a lack of decisiveness can lead to disaster.
JonasParker says:
Maybe I would change and become the greatest father ever, and love every minute of it, but the thing is that I like who I am, despite my faults. I don't want to change.
**Le PK** says:
Who you are now is not a father... Interesting and brave decision nevertheless. What I do know - or understand from new fathers is that it is a life-changing experience. The vast majority say it's a hugely positive...
JonasParker says:
Yeah, yeah, I know. But like I said, I don't want to change. I like myself the way I am. I like my life. And apparently not that many people can say that.
**Le PK** says:
Nope. I guess. But I look forward to the challenges and changes that come up... nothing stays the same...
JonasParker says:
Exaaaaactly.
**Le PK** says:
but you know that the changes and challenges will not involve children, which means it's not so much about your life, and more about children, no?
JonasParker says:
Thaaaat's right.
**Le PK** says:
Are you sure you've fully thought this through?? ;)
JonasParker says:
Heh. The truth is, I thought that I might change my mind. Someday. Like in five years. But then I thought long and hard about what would happen if Rose were pregnant now. I pretended that she announced that she was, in fact, pregnant. I had heart palpitations, sweats, shakes. At least seven of the whole nine.
Besides, an operation would be great for Rose, too. She already has a child, and she won't have to deal with birth control pills.
**Le PK** says:
Did you ask yourself why you went though those emotions?
JonasParker says:
I didn’t want to be parent in my situation. I don't want to be one of those people that have to lug around their children in the metro, have no money ever, blah, blah, blah. Let me ask you a general question: There seems to be such resistance to the idea of a person permanently rejecting the idea of becoming a parent. Is it really that awful a decision? I think it's pretty responsible, really, although some people would just call me weak and cowardly.
**Le PK** says:
Not an awful decision. A huge decision maybe... I always thought that we were all predisposed to at some point wanting to procreate. Also, my friend L (struggling actor) and his wife (unemployed) gave birth to their baby, but I've never seen them so bonded, happy and parental. For them it was never a question... I think it's a much more conscious decision to NOT have children then to have them if that makes sense...
JonasParker says:
Definitely. There are social drawbacks of not having kids. Friends become more and more distant and unavailable, so you hang out with people younger and younger. You may become so bored that a child would be welcome. Also, children can be effective shields against a partner that is being a jerk, or going through problems or whatever.
Wow - that's so jaded! I don't know about that... we hang out with J and L all the time...
JonasParker says:
Consider yourself lucky, or consider it a matter of time. That is jaded, but then that's me. You almost have to be to make the decision not to have kids.
**Le PK** says:
If I can use L and J as an example - none of the above applies.
JonasParker says:
No, I wouldn't think so. But if I can use my sisters as examples, and their friends, some or all of it applies.
**Le PK** says:
Courses for horses I guess. This I do know... successful childhood is, of course, built on a firm family basis. If that doesn't exist, then why have a child?
JonasParker says:
Why, indeed? Money from the government? Status? Pressure? Lack of anything else meaningful in life?
**Le PK** says:
As fluffy as it sounds, I couldn't and wouldn't have a child for the sake of procreation. But that's just a value that I have. I can't stand the thought of young girls having kids for welfare... it makes me livid.
JonasParker says:
But you know it happens. I also think that there would be a lot more abortions if there weren't a financial incentive for some people to have children. But here's a question: Why do richer, smarter and more educated people have fewer children? You'd think that people without a lot of means would make a point of not making more mouths to feed. But of course, it doesn't work that way. Are poor people just so stupid that that don't realize that it's not really a great idea to have that many kids without having a half decent support system?
Anyway.
**Le PK** says:
I will say that you hit the nail on the head when you mention educated. That's the only difference... poor people lack the education - not the intelligence...
JonasParker says:
Are you sure? I used to think so, but I don't know anymore. It's not like they don't know that they can not have more and more kids. I'm not even talking about the ones that are borderline deficient, just regular people.
**Le PK** says:
Intelligence is only as good as the education you have and how you use it.
JonasParker says:
Maybe I have a different sense of "regular people". Maybe regular people are just stupid. But you don't need education to be intelligent unless you mean life education, rather than formal school education.
**Le PK** says:
yeah - that's what I mean. Aids in Africa = lack of education
JonasParker says:
Mostly, yes. But the locals have their own theories about that. And they are pretty firm in some of these beliefs.
**Le PK** says:
But the core is that they cannot or will not accept the education as to the reality of it all...
JonasParker says:
Right.