An alternate existence

By Alston on January 3, 2008 2:50 PM | | Comments (10) | TrackBacks (0)

Sometimes is feels as though either I don't live in the real world, or this "real world" isn't real at all. For example, it seems as though it's accepted that most women fake orgasms sometimes for various reasons (I admit, I don't care about the reasons since I hate the idea of this kind of deceit, and perhaps I may be wrong for this view), or that it's all up to the man to bring the woman to orgasm (I've never felt responsible for a woman's orgasm, actually. When it's happened, I always thought that she did a good job.). But yet whenever I ask a woman if she's ever faked, I always get the same answer. "No, NEVER! Because that's bullshit!". Are most of these women that I know lying? It's possible. Just because you are friendly with someone (or sleeping with them, apparently) doesn't mean that they won't lie to you. People are probably more likely to lie to you if you are sleeping with them, in fact. You can debate that one in the comments.

There are other examples of this, of many groups of people saying things about a particular group that most other groups seems to just know, yet when I ask a member of said group to admit that they exhibit those characteristics, or that behaviour, no one will admit it. And the behaviour isn't necessarily shameful, especially since it is talked about so freely. I wish I could think of more examples where I ask members of the discussed group if they do the things they are accused of and they all deny it, but I can't. I've forgotten. (I'm at work right now, and I get distracted.) I suppose that I could use the example of black people committing crimes, or being surprisingly articulate, but those are topics that are highly charged, maybe even loaded (if someone could give me a good definition of what a "loaded" topic or question is, that would be appreciated. Like so many things, you think you might know what something is, but you are slightly or way off.). I'm talking about something more vanilla, not hot topics that make people emotional and irate, but little things.

Perhaps that's where you can come in. I can't think of any more of these little things at the moment, but maybe you can. And if you are a woman, do you every fake it?

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10 Comments

Andrea said:

Ali,

I for one have never faked an orgasm. I also think that girls that leave it all up to their partner to get them there probably have pretty crummy sex lives. You do have work for it a little! I think faking it sucks and is rude and insulting. So that's just me and that's just my response to the first part. I am sure that there are people everywhere that assume things about other people or groups that are just too general to be accurate. For example, I am sure that many girls fake it, but I do not. While it can be said that some Catholic priests have molested young boys one can not assume that this is normal or acceptable behaviour to this group.
I don't know if this is what you mean, but that was my two cents.

A

January 3, 2008 5:10 PM
Alison Cummins said:

I guess I sort of faked it a couple of times when I was younger, but if I'd been asked I'd have said "I don't know" or "I'm not sure," which would have been accurate enough. (Sometimes I was asked and gave that answer.) On the other hand, sometimes I thought I hadn't had an orgasm and my partner was able to point to physical evidence that I had. For younger women it's not always that clear. Now that I'm older and more experienced I pretty much have an orgasm every time, but it helps that I've redefined orgasm.

RE partners and orgasms: People (men and women) can get very selfish when they're turned on. Non-confrontational people can be at a disadvantage. An example might be a woman asking politely for the space/time/position/rhythm that she needs to get off the way she wants to, but then giving up quietly and not making a fuss when the answer is No. I'd like to think that a good partner would take responsibility for making sure that everyone can have a good time. Even a really good time.

*** *** ***
Things I don't admit to: mostly stuff I'd rather not talk about. In the example under discussion, I might have preferred not to say I hadn't really come because I didn't want to have to keep trying when I didn't know a good way to get there. And I would definitely deny fudging it to any partner because I wouldn't want to have to deal with their anxiety.

January 3, 2008 8:16 PM
Frank said:

Sorry about taking this off-topic, but this song takes on a different meaning given the subject of this post.

I can't think of a different example, but I'll think about it.

January 4, 2008 10:12 AM
Alston said:

Cute, Frank. You're not the only one who has thought of that song when thinking about women coming. :)

January 4, 2008 10:51 AM
DAVE ID said:

Dude whatever's wrong, its the man's fault. Deal with it. (said with much sarcasm)

January 4, 2008 10:38 PM
zura said:

Hilarious, Frank. But what's with the "sleeping with grandma" stanza? So odd.

As for faking, no never. I see orgasm as a joint effort. For me the experience of sex is a package experience with orgasm being only a part of it. Communicating this to one's partner alleviates some of the anxiety or pressure surrounding a "failure to launch". Sometimes, I have had to point out "look it's not *your* fault, it has nothing to do with your manhood, it's a tricky thing and sometimes doesn't trigger in the way you think." I would then offer: "It usually doesn't happen that way, try *this* method." And then everyone's happy, including me. :)

January 6, 2008 1:07 AM
Alison Cummins said:

"I would then offer: "It usually doesn't happen that way, try *this* method." And then everyone's happy, including me. :)"

But what if the answer is just "Nah, that doesn't do it for me?" That's why I go with "joint effort" rather than "if she wants to get off, that's her business." Because if I want to get off by myself I can do that. I don't need a partner. It's just much more fun to get off with a partner, though often more complicated and requiring more choreography. If one's partner doesn't care for complicated or choreography and shrugs one off with the assertion that everyone is responsible for their own orgasm, that hurts.

January 7, 2008 12:23 AM
un.faked said:

I've tried faking NOT having one, once.

That's not quite the same is it?

January 7, 2008 1:30 AM
Alston said:

Now you've got me curious. But that's not anything new, is it?

January 7, 2008 9:37 AM
Alston said:

True, but it's very important to remember that it is actually a joint effort. I get the impression that too often, when women say joint effort, they mean his effort, and forget about what they need to do, which most often involves getting over themselves in some way. A man can't overcome her mental block no matter what he does; that's up to her. Female orgasms seem to be 90% mental, and the mental component seems, to me, mostly her responsibility, maybe 60%. Of course I am assuming that the man has provided a stimulating and secure environment. Without that, well...

January 7, 2008 9:46 AM

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